Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
