god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
