My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
