Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
