Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
