I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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