So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
