Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
