you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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