your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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