Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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