i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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