I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
