I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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