he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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