The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
