Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
