I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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