Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's blow job season.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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