the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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