so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
