she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
