i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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