How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
