so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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