No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
