Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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