Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
