There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
