Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
