I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
