I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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