So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
