I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
thus making me awesome and them whores
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
