last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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