Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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