Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
