at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
