Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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