Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
