remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
