you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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