i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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