"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize