ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
