just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
