I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
