Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dignity is for republicans.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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