Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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