That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i will never coherently bang her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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