Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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