I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
