i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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