i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I touched a dick in church today
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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