i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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