dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
