I am in a vortex of obligation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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